Learning Gentleness
“The fruit of the Spirit is... Gentleness” Galatians 5:22-23
Nervous energy ran through me as I walked in. There was a long wall of windows, where hot sunlight shone on an old couch. I sat down on the edge of it and was greeted gently by the older lady I had asked to mentor me. She was beautiful, with a soft pile of fluffy white hair and an easy smile. Her eyes twinkled sharply as she began to address me and ask questions. There was no doubt that this was a wise woman.
We talked about this and that, and steadily moved deeper. My nervous energy stayed high, as I chose to be vulnerable and speak of deep desires, fears, and hopes. Beside me a pile of crumpled tissues grew as she helped me peel back the layers that covered my thoughts and actions.
We spoke of many things that day, but there was one truth that we covered that I was blindsided by. A topic that transformed who I am and how I walk in faith. It was the gospel of Gentleness.
You see, I deeply desire to love people and show them Christ. I want to serve others and to honor them. I desire to connect, to listen to people’s heart, and to speak truth. I want to bind up the wounded and set the captive free…..and as I was verbally processing all of this outloud to my mentor, it became apparent to me that I was trying to accomplish all of this like an arrogant bull in a china shop.
It humbles me to say it, but I wasn't doing the best in regards to these goals. I was pushy and proud. I thought that it was me that was accomplishing this; and since it was about me, I had to work very hard. I drove towards people, prying, and pushing.
When someone would begin to speak or to share a hurt, I asked too many questions. I wasn’t listening for when they were done sharing; no, I kept on trying to push them to truth. And as a result there were many women that would bypass me when they saw me next.
Now, my heart was in the right place, and I know that God redeems all things, so I am not without hope. But... But when the truth of gentleness was revealed to me that day- how it changed everything!
There in the sunlight, on an original mid century couch, my mentor reminded me of what Jesus says of Himself: He is gentle (Matthew 11:29). I learned that He is slow, steady, and safe. He comes to us like we would approach a scared child: a soft voice, bent down on a knee, moving little by little towards us. He calls, offers, and gives. He shows that we can trust him in each step so that when we are ready we can run to Him and throw ourselves into His arms.
It matters to us that Jesus is Gentle, because we all have been hurt in some way and our trust has been broken. Perhaps our parents have done their best but failed in some ways. Perhaps our siblings and friends have been selfish. Maybe we feel lonely and disregarded by mistakes we and others have made.
We live in a fallen world. A world filled with feelings of rejection and hurt. A world where sometimes trust breaks and shatters at our feet and we are left feeling in pieces and not whole.
The gentleness of Christ does not push and break as he knits us back together. He is not an arrogant bull in a china shop. He is willing to take time, to make an investment, to move slowly, and to wait for us to grow. He will restore us to the glory He always wanted us to have! And, He is willing to do it at a pace that fosters trust and builds a relationship with us.
As I looked at Christ and saw this truth of Gentleness, it changed me! It changed everything about how I live life, and it did this in two ways.
First, I stopped striving and driving and pushing. I now look to Christ and try to emulate Him. I try to be quick to listen and slow to speak. I watch people’s eyes and their body movement, paying attention to the cues that they are giving. I try to build relationships more slowly, at the pace that they are comfortable with. I try to stop when someone becomes uncomfortable. I offer, call, and give as humbly as I can. I try to be like Christ.
Second, Instead of working and driving hard towards my desire to love people, I now rest in the Lord. It turns out that what I had always known is true: “The fruit of the Spirit is... Gentleness...” When I rest in Christ and allow the Holy Spirit to do His work, He produces in me sweet fruit that is gentle towards others.
Now, when I interact with people, it isn’t about me. It isn’t about me striving and contenting or forcing good works. I am resting in Christ and letting His Holy Spirit produce the fruit that He promises to create. Ahhhhhh… what freedom! To simply rest and let the Holy Spirit do the work, and then to see people respond to His gentleness.
My conversations have become more peaceful and natural. I listen more. I am slow and patient and willing to interact on whatever level people are comfortable with. I make offers and quiet bids for friendship and to go deeper into Truth. I don't push; it is up to the other person to accept it. And more often than not, they do.
My world has changed for the better since the day that sweet woman explained gentleness to me. God, gently, showed me truth and set me free. You too can grab hold of this truth and have the same hope and freedom! The Holy Spirit that works inside me, also works inside you. He produces fragrant and rich fruit enabling each of us to be a little Christ, gently loving the world, and changing it for the glory of God.
All we must do is abide, rest, and allow Him to do His work through us. When we do that we fulfill the charge that Peter specifically gives to us women in 1 Peter 3:4:
“Let your adornment be
the hidden person of the heart
with the Imperishable Beauty
of a GENTLE and QUIET(resting) spirit,
which in God’s sight is very precious.”
So, go forth, beautiful women of God. Be at peace and rest, knowing that we are precious in the sight of the Lord; knowing that we are effective and powerful with the Holy Spirit inside us, producing a gentleness that touches the whole world in a mighty way.
Written by Reaching Her Author and Content-Creator Hannah Snyder